"once you choose hope, anything is possible"

Thursday, May 4, 2017

A Glimpse of Hope - The Recap

So it's been awhile since I last wrote. Actually let's be honest, it's been longer than awhile. I'd like to say I have some great reasoning for this, but in all truthfulness, I just lost my desire to write. I went through some pretty crappy months where I couldn't find a lot of hope and then I went through some really wonderful months where I was so overwhelmed by everything going on that sitting down to put it all into words wasn't possible. If I am being really honest, I tried to write, but I still can't find the right words to put down on paper (or screen) all that has happened in the last couple years since I graduated college. Let's just leave it at, there's been A LOT. Sometimes I look back and wonder where the hell the time went, other times I feel like I've lived an entire lifetime since the day I walked across that stage. 

To offer a quick recap: I graduated college and went to work at a nonprofit in Milwaukee. I loved every minute of it, but ultimately left 7 months later to take my dream job at Marquette (where I still work). I met the man I would come to love more than I ever thought possible and after a year of dating, I happily said yes to being his wife. While we were dating (and not dating) we took a quick detour into the life of a soap opera and, long story short, we are now helping raise Tyler's beautiful son. My family ended up taking in 2 more little boys making us a family of 12 and to this day I am still surprised by the capacity of the human heart and the ability to love somebody so fiercely in such a short amount of time. Ultimately, the court system decided that our family of 12 wasn't a part of the boys' long term plan and for awhile I didn't know if any of our hearts were going to make it. Spoiler alert, missing them doesn't get any easier as time goes on, but the ever-resilient Hau family is still standing strong. My parents (and younger sister) relocated to Milwaukee shortly after losing the boys and I can't even begin to tell you how amazing it is to have my mom and dad within 20 minutes of me after living so far from home for college. I went back to grad school and got a dog (and became a semi-crazy dog lady). I moved to the suburbs, cried when Donald Trump was elected President, helped plan Marquette’s Homecoming last year which I will argue is one of the proudest moments of my life, celebrated with my sister as she also got engaged to the man of her dreams (to be married in ONE MONTH) and continued to put one foot in front of the other even when I felt life was doing a pretty good job at making things as difficult as possible. It’s been a hell of a two years with ups, downs and all arounds, but I’m still here trying to find my glimpse of hope in all things, even if I’m not writing about it anymore. 

For the last month or so, I have been wrestling with the decision to simply start a new blog or to continue on with the old one. Recently, I received one of the biggest shocks (and greatest blessings of my life) and realized that I was pregnant (MUCH more to come on this later) and the first thing I wanted to do was write, which was quite a shock after a few years of having no desire to do so. I knew I wanted to go back to blogging more faithfully, but with all that has happened and changed, I thought maybe a fresh start was needed. So I created a new blog on a different platform and I went to close my "A Glimpse of Hope" account. Before I knew it, I had spent hours scrolling through my old posts, all of which were filled to the brim with my old feelings, past heartache, abundant joys and blessings and I realized that a lot has changed, but there was still so much truth behind everything I once I wrote and it would be almost dishonest to start fresh and pretend like that wasn't how this whole journey began. 

So here I am, back to bringing you my glimpses of hope as I find them, but this time with a very different message (think more baby stories and less cute boys on the quad stories). When I started this blog back in 2012, I did so out of sadness and darkness. I was lost and turned to writing to help find myself again. A huge part of me is still that same confused 19 year old blogging in my college dorm, but this time my heart is a little more full and my path a little more clear (emphasis on the "little" :) )